I am in a vortex of obligation.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
