i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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