He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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