hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
