??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
