Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
