her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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