Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
