I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How external is "for external use only"?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
