I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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