Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
