I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
