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• (325): View more from Texas

  That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Haha did she know what fisting meant?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar

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• (916): View more from California

  No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I really hate whoever invented fireball.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  I know, im living my 7th grade dream

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• (569): View more from

  My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.

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