Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
