yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
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My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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