Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Even my vagina gasped.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
