he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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