My boss' voice literally gives me gas
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
