Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
