Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
