So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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