How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
