Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
