You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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