White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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