okay pat passed out under dana's car
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He has the fingertips of a God
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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