I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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