hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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