I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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