just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
