He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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