my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
