I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
