happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
