Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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