so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
