If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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