I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
