If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize