Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
