Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
