Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
