As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
