saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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