Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
