also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
