I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
