I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Fuck appropriateness.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
