dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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