She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
