Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize