Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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