I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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