is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
