i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
