idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
