I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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