i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
