finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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