nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
