Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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