So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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