She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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