HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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