i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
