and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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