Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There r osticjed everywhere
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
