i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Success! We fucked roommates!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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